The aliens communicate with me by speaking into a handheld credit card processing unit, which then prints out the translation onto long strips of white paper.
Circonflexe
Autistic Space Travel
Our flight to Mars is navigated by an autistic boy with oddly balloon-like legs. He is obsessed with accented letters. He is delighted when I introduce him to the circonflexe.
Rotini Worms
I am on vacation in Dubai. After swimming all day in the Gulf, I notice a golf-ball sized blister on my thigh. After some difficulty, I manage to pop it. Inside are dozens of parasitic worms that look like overcooked rotini noodles.
Axl Rose Tattoo
It is 100 years ago and we are in love. I have a tattoo around my wrist that says : WHAT I DON'T KNOW WHEN I KNOW IT IS HOW I KNOW. You plan to get the same tattoo, and add a secret second line you won’t show me. That line would turn up in a song by Axl Rose 100 years later.
My Daughter's Pelt
My ten-year-old daughter grows a thick pelt of black fur, everywhere except the upper part of her face. We revisit a previous conversation about turtle necks.
