Open House
My mother and I go to an open house, where she sits down and falls asleep. I am uncomfortable with the way the furniture is laid out. I wake her up so we can rearrange it.
Pleather Skirt
A tiny old lady tries to take a black pleather skirt from our cart at Value Village. I tell her NO and I attempt to take it back, but she holds on tight. I crouch down and look right into her little blue eyes. I say : WHAT WOULD YOUR MOTHER THINK? She lets go of the skirt and scuttles away.
Stepmother's Cell Phone
At the family reunion, all the cool cousins are sitting at a table in the far corner of the garden. I sit with my stepmother. She shows me how to crop pictures on her new cell phone.
Gregory Peck Wears Shorts
MY MOTHER : Gregory Peck is coming over later.
ME : Is he still alive?
MY MOTHER : Well, he was 7 years ago. And anyway, he wears shorts now.
Eyebrow
My mother comes out of the bathroom with one enormous black eyebrow drawn on. "HOW DO I LOOK?" she asks