MY MOTHER : Gregory Peck is coming over later.
ME : Is he still alive?
MY MOTHER : Well, he was 7 years ago. And anyway, he wears shorts now.
Cookie Monster's Voice
After the play is over, you start discussing it with me in Cookie Monster's voice. I am confused, but I roll with it.
Kardashian
We visit a church, and find ourselves in the middle of a reality TV family birthday party. We scrounge up some linty gifts from our bags. It is deeply awkward. I apologize to the matriarch. she gives me a pair of sandals.
Ashley Judd is the Boss
Ashley Judd is reviewing our resumes to re-negotiate our salaries. She knows we won't ask for more money, because we don't want our lies exposed. You know your resume has no lies, and you stand up for yourself. You get the raise.
Ashley Judd
A Bad Idea
You ask me if it is safe to swim - the waves are only 2 to 3 feet high, you were told. I point at the ocean, where the waves are more than 20 feet high, and vicious. I say : IT'S PROBABLY NOT A GOOD IDEA.